At 3am, I should be asleep. Instead, why not revisit my biggest regrets?

The Embarrassment That Won’t Fade

We’ve all been there—those moments where a simple slip-up becomes etched in our memory, replayed on a loop that we can’t seem to stop. For me, it was a mispronunciation of "Arkansas" at a fancy lunch. Instead of the smooth "aa-kuhn-saw," my version paused, like a confused thought, and came out as "Ah? Kansas." The table erupted in laughter, and someone cleverly quipped, "I don’t think we’re in AhKansas anymore!" I wanted to sink into the floor, vowing never to speak again. But life moved on, or so I thought—until that moment revisited me at 3 AM, a time when our minds seem to trolling through our history of humiliations.

The 3 AM Anomaly

There’s something peculiar about the hours between 3 AM and dawn. It’s as if the world is paused, and we’re left with nothing but our thoughts—and, all too often, our regrets. The average person blinks 17 times a minute, a fact I now know all too well, thanks to a 3 AM Google search. It’s in these dark, quiet hours that our minds decide tosizeof our past mistakes and what-ifs. Why do we do this to ourselves? It seems counterintuitive, especially when we know how exhausting it is. Yet, there we are, wide awake, our minds racing with thoughts better left unexamined.

Revisiting the Past: A Mental Montage

In the still of the night, our brains curate a highlight reel of our cringe-worthy moments. It’s as if we’re binge-watching a series of our most embarrassing scenes, each one more painful than the last. We relive the what-ifs, replaying conversations and decisions, wondering how things might have turned out differently. My personal favorite is rehashing exchanges with those who’ve wronged me, crafting clever comebacks that, by morning light, sound utterly insane. It’s a torturous revisitation, and yet, we can’t seem to look away.

Forecasting the Future: Catastrophizing

Once we’ve sufficiently berated ourselves over past missteps, the 3 AM brain eagerly shifts to the future, conjuring up a storm of worst-case scenarios. It’s like scrolling through a horror movie marathon, each channel more terrifying than the last. Depending on my mood, I might fixate on more tangible concerns—finances, health, career—or spiral into existential dread. Time seems to zoom by when we’re in the throes of such anxiety. I catch myself calculating the weeks left in my life, a morbid math that leaves me breathless and awake.

The Cycle of Exhaustion

Despite the exhausting nature of these early morning cycles, they seem to be a universal experience. Everyone I know is tired, and yet, here we are, night after night, replaying this mental loop. Biologically, it makes sense—our bodies are primed to wake as morning approaches, with rising temperatures and plummeting melatonin levels. Cortisol, the stress hormone, starts to stir, making it even harder to switch off. It’s a cycle that, while common, is undeniably draining, leaving us groggy and run down.

Breaking the Cycle: Advice from the Experts

So, what can we do to break this cycle? Experts offer a piece of advice that’s both simple and challenging: avoid screens and clocks. That small window between wakefulness and sleep is delicate, and catching a glimpse of the time can tip us into full-blown alertness. Yet, in the dark, the temptation to reach for our phone—a clock, a browser, a beacon of distraction—is strong. We know we shouldn’t, but we do anyway, spiraling into the abyss of anxiety and information. It’s a hard habit to break, but perhaps recognizing the pattern is the first step toward reclaiming those lost hours—and our peace of mind.

Credit: Michael Howard