‘You have to accept her life is not her own’: Ruth Davidson and partner Jen reflect on life in politics

The Unique Challenges of Loving a Politician

Being in a relationship with a politician is far from straightforward. The demands of public service, the constant scrutiny, and the blurred lines between personal and professional life can create a whirlwind of challenges for both the politician and their partner. Jen Wilson, the partner of Baroness Ruth Davidson, a prominent Scottish Conservative, recently shared her experiences on Beth Rigby’s Electoral Dysfunction podcast. She described how her life became “quite intense” when Ruth led the Scottish Conservatives, offering a rare glimpse into the personal sacrifices and adjustments that come with loving someone in politics.

Jen’s story resonates with many who find themselves in similar situations. A caller to the podcast, whose partner is an MP, echoed Jen’s sentiments, asking how to protect the sanctity of friendships and social life locally. The caller admitted, “I knew life would be different, but I had no idea quite how different it would become.” This sense of unpreparedness is common among partners of politicians, who often underestimate the all-consuming nature of political life. Jen’s response captured the essence of this reality: “It is definitely quite different being the partner of a politician. It’s quite intense because they aren’t 9 to 5.”

The 24/7 Nature of Political Life

When Ruth Davidson served as the leader of the Scottish Conservatives from 2011 to 2019, Jen quickly learned that her partner’s work was not confined to traditional office hours. “She was on call pretty much 24/7,” Jen revealed. This constant availability is a hallmark of political life, where crises, media appearances, and constituency issues can arise at any moment. For partners like Jen, this meant adapting to a lifestyle where plans could change in an instant, and personal time was often interrupted by work demands. “It definitely took lots of adjusting to when we first got together,” Jen admitted.

The intensity of political life extends beyond the working week. Weekends, evenings, and even vacations are often consumed by political obligations. Ruth recalled how her work as an MP disrupted their family rhythm, particularly when she had to spend four days a week in London and the rest of her time tending to her constituency. “If you have a family, you’ll have had a rhythm to that, and that will have been completely interrupted,” she said. This disruption is a harsh reality for many political families, where the demands of public service often take precedence over personal time.

Navigating Social Life and Political Conversations

One of the most challenging aspects of being a politician’s partner is navigating social life while avoiding political debates. Jen shared how difficult it could be to scroll through social media or attend local gatherings without being drawn into political discussions. She noted that people often underestimate how draining this can be for both the politician and their partner. “The other thing that can be quite tricky is getting the hang of avoiding political debates with people,” she said.

In public settings, the couple often found themselves accosted by constituents or curious individuals eager to discuss policy or local issues. Jen recalled how people would sometimes interrupt their private moments, like a candlelit dinner, to bring up topics like constituency concerns or political ideologies. “It isn’t exactly the right moment,” she remarked wryly. Over time, they learned to set boundaries, often humorously reminding people that Ruth was “off duty” and encouraging them to contact her office instead. This lighthearted approach became one of their strategies for maintaining some semblance of normalcy in their lives.

The Importance of Supporting Your Partner in Politics

While the challenges are undeniable, many partners of politicians find that supporting their loved one in their political career is deeply rewarding. Baroness Harriet Harman, a Labour MP for 40 years and the wife of the late Jack Dromey, who also served as an MP, offered sage advice for partners of politicians. “I would say to him, ‘How can I support her in doing what she wants as an MP and being the very best MP she can be because she is a pioneer?’” Harriet’s words highlight the importance of viewing the relationship as a partnership, where both individuals contribute to each other’s success.

For partners of politicians, supporting their loved one means embracing their role as a “pioneer” and understanding that their life is not their own while in office. Ruth emphasized this point, saying, “She is in a life of service for the time that she is in parliament.” This sense of purpose can foster a deep sense of pride and fulfillment, even amidst the challenges. By focusing on how to support their partner rather than resisting the demands of political life, partners can build a stronger, more resilient relationship.

Lessons Learned Along the Way

Reflecting on their experiences, Jen and Ruth shared valuable lessons for anyone in a relationship with a politician. First and foremost, they emphasized the importance of open communication and mutual understanding. Navigating the challenges of political life requires constant dialogue about boundaries, priorities, and personal needs. Jen and Ruth learned to laugh through the chaos and find creative ways to protect their personal time, such as jokingly reminding people that Ruth was “off duty.”

Second, they stressed the importance of fostering a sense of community. Partners of politicians often find solace in connecting with others who understand their unique challenges. Building a network of supportive friends, family, and fellow political partners can provide much-needed emotional support and practical advice.

Finally, they highlighted the value of embracing flexibility and adaptability. Political life is unpredictable, and partners must be prepared to roll with the punches. By approaching challenges with resilience and humor, they can not only survive but thrive in this high-pressure environment.

The Bigger Picture: Life as a Politician’s Partner

For Jen, Ruth, and countless others like them, life as a politician’s partner is a journey of love, sacrifice, and growth. While the challenges are significant, they are also opportunities to develop resilience, empathy, and a deeper understanding of public service. As Jen and Ruth’s story shows, the rewards of supporting a partner in politics often outweigh the difficulties, creating a life filled with purpose and meaning.

Ultimately, being in a relationship with a politician requires a unique blend of patience, humor, and unwavering support. By navigating the complexities of political life together, partners can build a relationship that not only endures but thrives in the face of adversity. As Harriet Harman so aptly put it, being a partner to a politician is not just about supporting their work—it’s about being part of a shared journey that serves something greater than themselves.