Inquest to explore control, abuse

A Tragic Love Story: The Life and Death of Lilie James

Lilie James was a vibrant young woman with a bright future ahead of her. After completing her studies in Holland, she returned to Australia, where she worked as a cricket coach at St Andrew’s Cathedral School. It was there that she met Jai Thijssen, a man who would later change the course of her life forever. The two began dating about five weeks before her tragic death. At the time, neither Lilie nor Jai seemed interested in a serious relationship. They enjoyed each other’s company, but they didn’t feel the need to label their relationship. Kristina Avramis, a close friend of Lilie, described their relationship as casual, saying, “She liked his vibe, he liked her vibe, and they just didn’t really want to put a label on anything.”

A Sudden and Violent End

Lilie and Jai’s relationship came to an end about a week before her death. Friends and family thought the breakup was amicable, with no signs of animosity between the two. However, on the evening of November 4, 2021, Lilie’s life took a tragic turn. After coaching children at work, she went into the bathroom next to the St Andrew’s gym. Unbeknownst to her, Jai followed her, carrying a hammer in his backpack. Sometime later, Jai left the bathroom alone. At around 8:30 p.m., Lilie’s father, Jamie, received a text from her phone. The message read, “Don’t ask why or call please come to the school now and pick me up.” Tragically, the message was not from Lilie; she was already dead. The text was sent by Jai, who had brutally murdered her. Jamie later described the message as coming from “the monster” who took his daughter’s life.

The Aftermath of the Tragedy

Jai Thijssen was quickly identified as the prime suspect in the frenzied and brutal murder of Lilie James. Two days after her death, police found Jai’s body on rocks at the bottom of a cliff in Vaucluse. His parents, who were from Holland, did not bring his body home. Instead, they chose to cremate him and scatter his ashes in Sydney before returning to their home country. The tragedy of Lilie’s death was compounded by the knowledge that Jai had a history of controlling and obsessive behavior. A year after her death, another former girlfriend of Jai’s came forward, sharing details of his frightening behavior. She described how he tried to control her social media activity and track her whereabouts. After they broke up, he became violent, punching a tree because he “couldn’t punch the one thing I want to.” She also revealed that she had seen him spying on her through the slats in her fence, describing him as “unhinged” and “deranged.”

The Inquest and the Broader Issue of Coercive Control

The deaths of Lilie James and Jai Thijssen were the subject of a three-day inquest, which focused on the manner of their deaths. The inquest also explored broader issues of coercive control, family violence, and technology-facilitated abuse. While Jai’s name was not officially released, he was referred to by his initials, P.T., on the coroner’s website. The second two days of the inquest were dedicated to examining the role of coercive control and how it can escalate into violence. Multiple sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity, highlighted the importance of addressing these issues in the context of preventing future tragedies.

Remembering Lilie James and the Impact of Her Death

Lilie James was a kind and vibrant young woman who was loved by everyone who knew her. Her family and friends remembered her as a bright light, whose life was cut short in the most tragic way. Her death has had a profound impact on her community, raising important questions about the signs of coercive control and how to recognize them. Lilie’s story has also highlighted the importance of supporting those who may be experiencing abuse or controlling behavior. Her legacy lives on through the love of her family and friends, who continue to remember her with fondness and admiration.

Conclusion and Call to Action

Lilie James’s death is a heartbreaking reminder of the devastating consequences of coercive control and domestic violence. While it is impossible to turn back the clock, her story serves as a powerful reminder of the importance of vigilance and support for those who may be in dangerous relationships. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or coercive control, there are resources available to help. The National Sexual Assault, Domestic and Family Violence Counselling Service can be reached at 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732). Lifeline is available at 131 114, and Beyond Blue can be contacted at 1300 224 636. Let us honor Lilie’s memory by supporting those who need help and working towards a future where such tragedies never occur again.